James 1:19-20 "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: 20 For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God."
Introduction
Many times we look at our attitudes and actions and use all kinds of excuses to justify them. We blame our culture, our background, our experiences, or even our personality. We say, “Well, that’s just the way I am.”
Of course, we all struggle with a sinful nature. But we must also remember that God is greater than our upbringing, greater than our culture, greater than our personality, and greater than our past experiences.
God wants us to honour Him with the life that we live, including how we respond when we are angry.
I. What Is Anger?
People of all ages experience anger. The dictionary describes anger as a strong passion or a strong emotion of displeasure.
Though anger is an emotion, it often involves a cluster of emotions affecting the body, mind, and will. Physically, anger can cause a clenched fist, elevated heart rate, increased breathing, and tension in the body.
Anger is often fed by disappointment, hurt, rejection, embarrassment, or the feeling that something is unfair. This strong emotion can boil up within us and begin to affect our actions.
We have all seen a child throw a temper tantrum-lying on the floor, kicking, screaming, and crying. Adults still experience anger too, but they are usually much better at hiding it.
A. The Root of Anger
When we read the Bible, we learn that God is holy (Psalm 99:9).
God’s holiness speaks of His very nature. God is without sin and completely separate from sin (Hebrews 4:15).
The Godhead-Father, Son, and Holy Ghost-is sinless and separated from sin.
But God is also love (1 John 4:8).
You cannot truly know what love is unless you know God, because God is love. Love is His very nature.
It is important to understand this: God is not anger. But God does experience anger because He is holy and because He is love.
In Mark 3, Jesus looked on the people with anger, being grieved because of the hardness of their hearts. His anger flowed from His holiness and His love (Mark 3:1-5).
God’s anger is always connected to righteousness, justice, holiness, and truth (Psalm 7:11).
Because we are made in the image of God, there is still a desire within us for righteousness and justice, even though that image has been marred by sin.
We often become angry when we feel we have been treated wrongly, unfairly, or unjustly. A wife may become angry at her husband because she feels slighted. A father may lose his temper with his children because he feels they are being inconsiderate. A child may become angry with their parents because they feel they are not being treated the same as their siblings.
We want what is fair. We want what is right.
But because we still have a sinful nature, our anger is not always justified.
B. The Purpose of Anger
Anger itself is not always sin. God experiences anger, and He is without sin. Jesus experienced anger on earth against wrongdoing, hard hearts, sin, and rebellion.
One author said: “Anger is to motivate us to take positive, loving action to seek to set a wrong right.”
Anger is not designed for destruction. It is meant to construct, not destruct. It should be used to build up, correct wrongs, and make things better-not to tear people down.
II. The Sin in Anger
It is possible to be angry and not sin. But it is also possible to be angry and sin.
Anger is one letter short of danger.
We often make the mistake of thinking all our anger is equal, right, and justified. But that is not true.
A. A Distorted Anger
When Adam sinned in the Garden of Eden, the image of God was marred in man. Because of sin, our anger is often distorted.
God’s anger is always justified. It is always valid. We cannot honestly say the same about our own anger.
Sometimes my children may do something that frustrates me. I may become angry because they are loud, because they embarrass me, or because I feel disappointed. But that does not always mean they actually sinned.
Sometimes our anger is not based on true wrongdoing. It is based on a perceived wrong.
Naaman gives us an example of distorted anger. Elisha told him to wash in Jordan seven times, and Naaman became furious. In his mind, he had been insulted. But Elisha was actually trying to help him (2 Kings 5:10-12).
Jonah is another example. Jonah became more angry over losing shade from a gourd than he was concerned about the souls of people in Nineveh (Jonah 4:9).
This is why we must ask:
Has an actual sin or wrongdoing taken place?
If my children are simply laughing and enjoying life, are they sinning? No. I may feel ignored or inconvenienced, but that does not mean they have sinned.
When parents respond with the same level of anger over childish noise as they do over direct disobedience, children can become confused about what sin actually is.
Sin is breaking God’s law.
B. A Loss of Control
Anger can easily lead to a loss of control.
We must never use anger as an excuse to act however we want. Godly anger does not stop being godly. If anger causes us to lose control, tear people down, speak cruelly, or act sinfully, then it is no longer righteous anger.(Proverbs 29:22)
As believers, we are to be controlled by the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 5:18).
The filling of the Holy Spirit means we are under His influence and control. When a person loses control in anger, spitting out words without restraint and acting without wisdom, it is not godly-no matter how they try to justify it.
It is like a married couple fighting harshly, abusing one another with words, tearing each other down, and then saying, “I was just angry.” That does not make it right.
As believers, our communication should edify (Ephesians 4:29).
This includes how we speak when we are angry. Our words should build up our children, not belittle them. They should help our spouse, not destroy them (Colossians 3:8, Ephesians 4:31).
When we think of anger, we often picture someone yelling, hollering, being mean, and saying unkind things.
But the Bible says: A soft answer can turn away wrath. Grievous words stir it up (Proverbs 15:1).
Rebuke is not a screaming match. Biblical correction is not destruction. It is construction. The goal is not to vent our feelings but to help the person see truth and get right with God.
C. A Lingering Anger
What begins as anger can turn into wrath. Then wrath can turn into bitterness. Bitterness is a deadly root that begins to affect every area of life (Proverbs 14:17).
One thing you do not want to be known for is being an angry person. Jesus experienced anger, but He was not known as an angry man (Proverbs 22:24).
You do not want to be the person with a short fuse, ready to explode at any moment (Ephesians 4:26).
Couples, do not go to bed angry. Do not allow anger to become an emotional blister that turns into bitterness and resentment.
Deal with the issue. Make things right.
III. How to Handle Your Anger
Anger is not always sin, but it can quickly lead to sin. So how do we handle anger in a controlled and biblical way?
A. Acknowledge Your Anger
When you feel wronged, do not simply conceal your anger or pretend it is not there. Acknowledge the emotion that is brewing inside of you.
Acknowledging your anger helps you deal with it properly (Psalm 109:22).
Be honest before God. “Lord, my heart is wounded. I am struggling. I feel angry. Help me to respond rightly.”
B. Back Off for a Moment
Take a breath and examine the anger you are experiencing.
Ask yourself: Has a real wrong taken place, or is this corrupted anger?
Do not explode with words. Think it through. Take time to calm down (Psalm 4:4).
Be still.
Walk away if needed. Take a walk. Pray. Calm your spirit before responding.
Rebuke is not a screaming match. It is not destruction. It is construction. You want the message to be received, not lost because of your sinful delivery.
Waiting may keep you from saying or doing something you will regret.
You also need to locate the focus of your anger. Why am I angry? Is it justified? Is this about God’s glory or my wounded pride?
C. Consider Your Options
Your response should be edifying.
If your brother offends you, the Bible teaches that you should go to him privately and deal with the issue in a godly way.
Be willing to forgive. Do not allow bitterness to control you.
There may also be times when you decide to overlook the matter and take the wrong. But whatever you do, do not lose your testimony.
I remember working at a company when I first came to Kitchener. Another man and I were brought into the office because a customer had complained. We had been asked to change the doors on an appliance, and we told the customer there would be a $25 charge.
Before we could explain anything, the man in the office-who was also a Christian-began screaming at us. He told us we were bad employees, that I was a bad testimony, and that we were lazy.
When he finally stopped to catch his breath, I said, “Well, the owner told us to charge $25 for changing the doors.”
He paused and said, “He did?”
I said, “Yep.”
He left, spoke to the owner, came back, and apologized.
All of that happened because he did not ask. He assumed.
That is why we need to acknowledge our anger, back off for a moment, and consider our options before we react.
D. Do Something Constructive
If you decide to let the offence go, then confess any sinful response you may have had and ask God to help you find victory.
Pray for the person. Ask God to help them and to help you.
If you choose to confront the person, ask God for wisdom and a forgiving spirit. Listen to their explanation. It may give you a different perspective.
Do your best to make things right.
Most importantly, make sure God is glorified by your response.
Conclusion
Anger is part of life, but it can become very destructive (Proverbs 4:23).
We must guard our hearts because out of the heart are the issues of life.
Be aware of anger and its dangers. Use anger for its proper purpose-to build lives, correct wrongs, and seek restoration.
Do not let bitterness grow and consume your life.
Live in such a way that even your anger is submitted to the Lord and your response brings glory to God.